In the hours after getting the results of my biopsy, \u00a0I remember having the sense that I was suddenly a mutant. \u00a0I was no longer normal. \u00a0I was suddenly bombarded with big words I did not understand, and scary sounding treatments that I dreaded. \u00a0And I wanted to go back to my ignorant, normal bliss of being healthy.<\/p>\n
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Over the next few months, I started coming to grips with the fact that I was on a year-long journey that had more downs than ups. \u00a0And what helped me through, what sometimes drove me to just survive this hour, \u00a0was the expectation that after it was all said and done, that I would get back to a normal life. \u00a0I would go to work, putter in my yard, enjoy my hobbies, and travel the world again. \u00a0On my worst night, when I was bawling my eyes out because I couldn’t face the prospect of getting out of bed the next morning for chemo #12, I gritted my teeth, told myself normal was just around the corner, and took care of business.<\/p>\n
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Which is why it was so frustrating when normal never materialized. \u00a0 As I finished chemo and navigated radiation, I started getting strength back. \u00a0I began to exercise again. \u00a0I grew hair. \u00a0I went on a trip to celebrate life. \u00a0But so many additional items were packed in my suitcase. \u00a0The neuropathy in my feet, the anxiety, the chemo brain, the aching in my bones. \u00a0I started looking for a new job and had such bad panic attacks that I delayed any searching for a few months. \u00a0I developed lymphedema \u00a0(swelling in my arm from lymph node removal). \u00a0Life was still surreal six months after treatment ended. \u00a0And I kept asking once again, where is my normal?<\/p>\n
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As I come up to the one year anniversary of my treatment conclusion, there are still ups and downs. \u00a0I have developed nerve pain my arm, and the aches in my bones keep getting worse. \u00a0I am plagued by continuing fatigue, and periods of anxiety I don’t ever wish on anyone else. \u00a0 But I found a temp job that I am loving, and I am slowly getting back to doing all the things I have missed at home. \u00a0And I have come to the realization that there is no normal. \u00a0Life is constantly changing, \u00a0and what is normal one minute, is crazy the next. \u00a0I am learning to embrace it. \u00a0Because this is who I am, and I want to live for now. \u00a0Not for one day when I am “normal.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
In the hours after getting the results of my biopsy, \u00a0I remember having the sense that I was suddenly a mutant. \u00a0I was no longer normal. \u00a0I was suddenly bombarded with big words I did not understand, and scary sounding treatments that I dreaded. \u00a0And I wanted to go back\u2026 Continue reading<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":202,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[3,11,4],"tags":[16,10,17,18,19],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/road-1132380_960_720.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/882"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=882"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/882\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1067,"href":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/882\/revisions\/1067"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/202"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=882"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=882"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=882"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}