I have done traditional meditation for years.\u00a0 I visualize, I do focus exercises, I’m even now dabbling in transcendental meditation (it all makes me sound so deep).\u00a0 It’s an incredible experience.\u00a0 \u00a0I come out calmer, centered, and more focused.\u00a0 It eases my physical pain.\u00a0 Meditation is a wonderful treatment for a variety of things that may be ailing you.<\/p>\n
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Back when I started meditating about 10 years ago, my favorite exercise was focusing on the sound of the fan.\u00a0 The noise, the patterns, the soothing way that it repeated.\u00a0 \u00a0Everything else melted away, until it was just me and the fan as I floated off.\u00a0 Usually to sleep.<\/p>\n
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That was pre-cancer.<\/p>\n
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Now is post-chemo brain.<\/p>\n
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These days, my fan can’t crack the surface of my thoughts.\u00a0 It’s like a maelstrom in there, a hurricane of ideas, reminders, and unrelated facts that only seem to come to me when I am trying to forget them.\u00a0 Some days, I can’t sort through the debris.\u00a0 Sometimes I wonder why I want to.\u00a0 It’s a whole bunch of nothing.\u00a0 A pile of crap.\u00a0 Stuff I’ll forget in five minutes anyway.<\/p>\n
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But then I made a discovery.\u00a0 Pretty mind-blowing, actually.\u00a0 Something that has spun my meditation to a whole new level.<\/p>\n
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I almost hate to admit this.\u00a0 And I apologize to all the yogis out there who think that I am crazy.\u00a0 \u00a0But I’m going to just come out and say it.<\/p>\n
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I may be the only person in the world who meditates to Metallica.<\/p>\n
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Yes, THAT Metallica.<\/p>\n
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I know others may listen to music while meditating.\u00a0 \u00a0It may even be beautiful,\u00a0 uplifting, inspiring tunes.\u00a0 That doesn’t do it for me.\u00a0 I need noise to calm my thoughts.\u00a0 Loud, pounding, angry,\u00a0 head-banging kind of noise.\u00a0 Sort of like pouring ice-water on your brain kind of noise.\u00a0 Yes, it may hurt for a moment, but then comes the sweet relief.\u00a0 I only hear the sounds from the song, not the nagging of my mind.\u00a0 My head bobs in time to the beat.\u00a0 Maybe theres even some fist pumping, let’s not\u00a0judge.\u00a0 My thoughts feel less disjointed, more associated.<\/p>\n
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And I get calm.\u00a0 I float off to another plane, if I can be so honest.\u00a0 They are putting into words what I am thinking.\u00a0 \u00a0All the pain, the grief, the madness, the anger.\u00a0 Its all there, and the music helps me release it.\u00a0 It’s actually kind of incredible.<\/p>\n
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I still practice the same habits as before.\u00a0 I’m not completely shutting down my brain.\u00a0 But I am sitting back and letting the waves turn into eddies so that I can sort out what I need to.\u00a0 And I can turn off the music and feel the tranquility that has washed over me.\u00a0 It doesn’t matter what went on that day.\u00a0 Or what will happen tomorrow.\u00a0 Or in ten years.\u00a0 I am centered.\u00a0 I am whole.<\/p>\n
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And I have found what works for me.<\/p>\n
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