{"id":1228,"date":"2020-05-11T12:15:21","date_gmt":"2020-05-11T16:15:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/?p=1228"},"modified":"2020-05-11T12:15:21","modified_gmt":"2020-05-11T16:15:21","slug":"gratitude","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/index.php\/2020\/05\/11\/gratitude\/","title":{"rendered":"Gratitude"},"content":{"rendered":"

“I see skies of blue<\/em>
\nAnd clouds of white<\/em>
\nThe bright blessed day<\/em>
\nThe dark sacred night<\/em>
\nAnd I think to myself<\/em>
\nWhat a wonderful world”<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I am channeling some Louis Armstrong this morning.\u00a0 I am sitting in my patio staring at the clear blue sky, puffball clouds, and listening to the breeze gently riffing in the trees.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

(OK, I’m also listening to the neighbor hammering and running his saw, but I’m trying to block that from my moment of zen.)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Anyway.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I have spent my morning in my rocking chair, catching up on correspondence, and staring out at my backyard.\u00a0 Which is by no means perfect, but we are working on it.\u00a0 And on this day, I’m not noticing what is wrong with it.\u00a0 I see a beautiful clear blue pool, not a pool that needs to be refinished.\u00a0 I see my zen garden taking shape in the corner of the yard, not the barren wasteland where nothing grows because the neighbor’s tree overhangs it so much that it is killing our palm tree.\u00a0 I see a funky tiki hut over the barbecue, not some weird homemade patio thing that the previous owner built.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I see natural beauty.\u00a0 My beloved hibiscus bushes are blooming, the grass is filling in after the “winter”, and everything is either green or blue.\u00a0 It is calming my soul.\u00a0 All the anxiety, pain, and bad memories are temporarily MIA.\u00a0 I am enjoying what I see now.\u00a0 This moment.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

And I am sorry.\u00a0 I am sorry for all the beautiful days I have ever wasted.\u00a0 Days when I was cranky, spiteful, petty, ungrateful.\u00a0 All the days I didn’t look out and see all the beautiful colors in the world.\u00a0 All the days I took for granted.\u00a0 All the days I did not acknowledge how lucky I am.\u00a0 I have pain, but I am healthy.\u00a0 I am not rich, but I have food and a non-leaking roof over my head.\u00a0 I have people who love me.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I am making myself whole.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I think it’s sometimes hard for others to understand what having chronic anxiety is like.\u00a0 It’s not rational.\u00a0 In the middle of a meltdown, I usually know that there is no reason for it.\u00a0 When I’m lashing out, I know I’m being unfair.\u00a0 No matter how hard I try to control it, sometimes I can’t.\u00a0 But I keep trying, and I apologize for every time I may have hurt anyone.\u00a0 I work hard to not be that person, but some days are just better than others.\u00a0 But I will keep learning.\u00a0 I promise you that.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

So today, I will learn from my past mistakes, and just enjoy what I have here today.\u00a0 Maybe take a swim in my imperfect pool and stare at the trees and flowers.\u00a0 Watch airplanes float by with fascination.\u00a0 Listen to kids playing next door.\u00a0 For once, I’m not taking it for granted.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“And I think to myself<\/em>
\nWhat a wonderful world”<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

For more information on navigating breast cancer and all it leaves behind, please see our website, www.driventosurvive.org<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

“I see skies of blue And clouds of white The bright blessed day The dark sacred night And I think to myself What a wonderful world”   I am channeling some Louis Armstrong this morning.\u00a0 I am sitting in my patio staring at the clear blue sky, puffball clouds, and\u2026 Continue reading<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1231,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[3,4,49,1],"tags":[29,30,31,16,72,93,52,20,45,17,28,32,8,94,19,65,57,136],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/pexels-photo-59321.jpeg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1228"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1228"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1228\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1230,"href":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1228\/revisions\/1230"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1231"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1228"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1228"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1228"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}