{"id":1039,"date":"2018-06-03T16:07:34","date_gmt":"2018-06-03T16:07:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/driventosurvive.wordpress.com\/?p=876"},"modified":"2018-09-23T17:29:41","modified_gmt":"2018-09-23T21:29:41","slug":"tell-it-like-it-is","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/index.php\/2018\/06\/03\/tell-it-like-it-is\/","title":{"rendered":"Tell it like it is"},"content":{"rendered":"

This is the next installment in my series of pet peeves about breast cancer…<\/em><\/p>\n

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We have things that people say that grind our gears.\u00a0 I have heard it all.<\/p>\n

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I’m a warrior.<\/p>\n

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I’ll beat this.<\/p>\n

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Chemo isn’t that bad.<\/p>\n

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I just have to push through it.<\/p>\n

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There isn’t much lingering pain.<\/p>\n

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And my favorite, “I’m fine.”<\/p>\n

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In the past three years I have watched thousands of women journey from diagnosis through treatment, and into the aftermath.\u00a0 It is a journey full of ups and downs, pain and elation, and grief and acceptance.\u00a0 It is like being on a roller-coaster, and just as the train is pulling back into the station to end the ride, the machinery speeds back up and rockets you back for another whirl.\u00a0 Over and over again.<\/p>\n

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I see a pretty similar pattern.\u00a0 The bewilderment of diagnosis.\u00a0 The overwhelming period of treatment decisions.\u00a0 The determination that comes with the commencement of surgery, chemo, and radiation.\u00a0 And the hope that comes as treatment is completed.\u00a0 It has the essence of the plot of a fiction novel.\u00a0 And it is about as true.<\/p>\n

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Once we overcome the initial shock, the only means to cope is to go into Super Woman mode.\u00a0 We are warriors who will kick the crap out of cancer.\u00a0 \u00a0We can do it all – work, families, home, cancer treatment.\u00a0 But it’s fine, we will get through it all, we will be cured, and life will be normal.\u00a0 \u00a0We minimize our pain and mental anguish to our friends and family because we want to be seen as strong, and we don’t want to ask for help.\u00a0 Or even admit that we are flailing.\u00a0 Badly.<\/p>\n

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So we tell everyone that we are ok.\u00a0 Maybe a little tired.\u00a0 But we got this.<\/p>\n

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And this is the biggest disservice that we can do for all of our pink sisters, past and present.\u00a0 Because the average person has no idea what having cancer is like.\u00a0 So they expect that we can handle it like a champ.\u00a0 This is why we get comments like, “My mother’s best friend’s sister’s landlord’s former hairdresser didn’t have to leave work, or lose her hair, or get sick from chemo, or have chronic anxiety, or have long-term side effects.”<\/p>\n

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Umm… yes, she did.\u00a0 I guarantee it.<\/p>\n

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But she is telling everyone that everything is ok and having her mental breakdowns in private.\u00a0 And so the next woman comes along and thinks that she too must buy into the warrior mentality and not admit the truth about the pain.<\/p>\n

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I remember watching a woman in my support group from the time she was diagnosed.\u00a0 She was confident and strong.\u00a0 She brushed off the initial pain and suffering.\u00a0 Even as she started admitting to the group that she was beginning to struggle, she was still posting only positive updates on her own personal page.\u00a0 And yet, she has been deeply affected.\u00a0 She has numerous long term side effects, and hurts for the way her life has changed.\u00a0 \u00a0But I doubt that most of her acquaintances understand that because she still falls back on, “I’m fine.”\u00a0 And so the fiction perpetuates.<\/p>\n

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We need to be honest with everyone.\u00a0 Yes, my body hurts constantly.\u00a0 \u00a0Yes, my brain feels like scrambled eggs most days.\u00a0 Yes, I have insomnia that is downright painful.\u00a0 \u00a0Yes, I have anxiety that is paralyzing almost daily.\u00a0 I don’t say these things to complain, I do it to promote understanding of why I may not seem cheery somedays.\u00a0 Or why I may be snappy.\u00a0 Why I am too tired to go anywhere.\u00a0 Or at times even talk.\u00a0 I also try to educate so that if someone else in your life is diagnosed, you will know to look beyond the superficial “I’m ok” or ” I’m fine”.\u00a0 Don’t ask how she is, ask how you can help her to feel better.\u00a0 She may not need anything, but for many of us, it is liberating to just know that someone acknowledges our pain, even years later.<\/p>\n

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Let’s not make breast cancer worse than it already is.\u00a0 Let’s work together so we can all find our own measure of peace.<\/p>\n

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See www.driventosurvive.org for ideas, resources, and support while on your breast cancer journey.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

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This is the next installment in my series of pet peeves about breast cancer…     We have things that people say that grind our gears.\u00a0 I have heard it all.   I’m a warrior.   I’ll beat this.   Chemo isn’t that bad.   I just have to push\u2026 Continue reading<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1040,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[3,4],"tags":[29,16,36,63,51,59,93,52,20,61,28,37,94,56,19,34],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/06\/adult-black-and-white-close-up-736843.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1039"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1039"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1039\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1047,"href":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1039\/revisions\/1047"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1040"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1039"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1039"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.driventosurvive.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1039"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}